Five-Star Cottage

First, the dry surface, landscaped with brittle ridges. Then the holes, rimmed with chips and pocks. Then the sickening cavities that one held teeth. My stomach lurched. A human skull.

It made a hollow sound as it struck yet another hollow thing. A wash of hollow noises followed, boiling and clattering around me, closing in. I tried to back away but soon found myself amidst a sea of hollow, brittle things, crowding me, touching my skin.

This cavern was filled with skulls!

My scream became the wind, bending bough and tree, beating rose bushes against window panes, sweeping every mile of tunnel in the cave.

A hard and hot body engulfed me with fearsome arms, and I knew. The cellar beneath the cottage wasn’t a dream. The beast upstairs was real, and this is how I would die. But still, I fought against the creature’s grasp, struggling to rip myself free while the sea of bones engulfed us and the incessant wailing assaulted my ears.

The wind and…a voice?

Casey.

“Jarrad? Is that you?”

Casey, it’s okay.

I buried my face in his jacket, shrouding myself in his familiarity beneath the smell of the earth.

“Where have you been, Jarrad? Where the fuck are we?”

It’s all right, we’re safe. Open your eyes.

“They’re open. It’s dark.”

No, really open them. Look at me.

At first, there was only darkness, and I was thankful for his warm hands on my face and his living breath on my forehead.

And then, the glowing webs emerged. As they grew brighter, I made out shapes amidst the chaos that surrounded us: curves of shoulders, peaks of breasts and noses, heads at one end and feet and the other—distinct and unmistakeable. All around us lay hundreds of bodies, shrouded by this bioluminescent quilt.

Then I saw my body, lying prone, head at an awkward angle to my neck. Jarrad’s body lay beside me, skull cracked open, impact from a fall. It was nothing like the man standing beside me, showing no sign of injury.

The light grew radiant as I raised my hand to my neck. But I found nothing, no break, no pain; only a tender blush that caressed my cheek as the ancient mould continued its work. The webs would soon conceal our faces… and then what? Somehow, I didn’t care. Somehow, this was fine. It was incredible.

When illumination turned to daylight, we found ourselves at the edge of the property, overlooking a lush paddock. The wind was a song, swaying the dewy grass and tall wildflowers at the bottom of the hill. When Jarrad turned to me, the bodies and cavern faded from memory like a half-forgotten dream.

We walked, hand in hand, back to the property. The smell of the forest surrounded us as we ambled through the trees and made our way up the garden.

The cottage was even more exquisite now. Luscious green moss lined the crafted stonework and hand-laid brick. Curling wild ivy reached out their tendrils lovingly, longingly, and I recalled again the glowing remarks left on the accommodation website. I remembered Andi from Toronto, Gwilym from Wales, and Mildred from Kentucky. They waved to us from the upstairs windows, like old friends.

As we crossed the precipice, Jarrad kissed me. The cottage welcomed us with the aroma of onions, meat and wine, and the fondness of every visitor who had stayed here before us.

I found my phone waiting for me on the rug by the fireplace, and while my love prepared a feast for us all, I opened the website and left my own five-star review.

                _ _
               ( Y )
                \ /                         \   /
                 \          /^\               _
                   )       //^\\         -=  (_)  =-
                (         //   \\
                  )      //     \\          /   \
                 __     //       \\
                |=^|   //    _    \\
              __|= |__//    (+)    \\
             /LLLLLLL//      ~      \\
            /LLLLLLL//               \\
           /LLLLLLL//                 \\
          /LLLLLLL//  |~[|]~| |~[|]~|  \\
          ^| [|] //   | [|] | | [|] |   \\
           | [|] ^|   |_[|]_| |_[|]_|   |^
        ___|______|                     |
       /LLLLLLLLLL|_____________________|
      /LLLLLLLLLLL/LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL\
     /LLLLLLLLLLL/LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL\
     ^||^^^^^^^^/LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL\
      || |~[|]~|^^||^^^^^^^^^^||^|~[|]~|^||^^
      || | [|] |  ||  |~~~~|  || | [|] | ||
      || |_[|]_|  ||  | [] |  || |_[|]_| ||
      ||__________||  |   o|  ||_________||
    .'||][][][][][||  | [] |  ||[][][][][||.'.
   ."'||[][][][][]||_-`----'-_||][][][][]||"."
 .(')^(.)(').( )'^@/-- -- - --\@( )'( ).(( )^(.)
'( )^(`)'.(').( )@/-- -- - -- -\@ (.)'(.),( ).(').
".'.'." ." '.". @/- - --- -- - -\@ '.".'.".'.".'."
jgs'' ".".".'.'@/ - -- -- -- -- -\@".'..'".'."'.'.'
'.".".''.".''."@/ -- --- --- -- - -\@.".''.".''.".'".